Do you remember how clear your image was before having children? How you thought you knew every dos and don’ts regarding being a parent?
Neither do I. It is like a part of your brain gets deleted after giving birth and suddenly you don’t have a clue on how it is done. I promised myself I would never ever yell at my kids since yelling itself doesn’t really solve anything, all it does is making everything worse. And you should never yell at a child for expressing his/her feelings.
Reality kicked me in the face
This was before my daughter turned 3. Id say it is fairly easy being a mother when your children look up to you and think you rule the world. But when they realize that you don’t…Well, that’s when things get more tricky. I always said that I would let my children express every feeling they had, good or bad, since I do think it is important that they know that no matter what they feel, they have the right to express it and that I am always there for them. But…Here’s where reality kicked me in the face.
Turns out they have a lot of feelings in one day. Even in one hour, there are like 10 different stages, I was not prepared for the emotional rollercoaster a toddler goes through in 24 hours. And as the years go by, the bigger the feelings, the bigger the tantrums and I find myself counting to ten at least 5 times a day.
And then it hits me. I’ve become that type of mother that I swore I would not become.
So when it is time to get my 4-year-old to bed and I’ve tried to put on her pajamas for 45 minutes I can’t count to ten one more time and everything I’ve always said I wouldn’t do, I do. I hear myself making empty threats that are doomed from the beginning, and when that doesn’t work either, I yell. I yell because I am tired, I yell because I don’t see why it is so extremely hard to just do as I say for ONCE.
And then it hits me. I’ve become that type of mother that screams at her kids. The one I swore I would not become. I wish I could say that I only screamed that one time, and after that, I pulled myself together and never lost it again, but that’s not the case. I did, however, realize one thing.
If I want my children to learn to share their feelings, I need to show them that I do too. Because kids don’t do as they are told, they do as you do. They need to know when I’ve had enough. They need to see that their way of acting can also make someone else angry or sad and that it is important for them to see that even a mother has her limits. So when people ask me, what type of mother I wanted to be, and what type of mother I’ve become, the answer is – I am a real one.